"It is night again around me; I feel as though there had been lightning--for a brief span of time I was entirely in my element and in my light." ~Nietzche
Can lightening strike twice?
I have been gone, quite a while it would seem. I have been busy. I have been crazy. I have been fulfilled. I have also not been writing. Not much at all. Just journal stuff. I do need writing. I am a writer. So, I am back. In the middle of things again.
I have moved. Moved from a well established home, in a well established neighborhood, where my heart was well established. I have transplanted to a bigger pot. The end will be good, but the means have hurt deeply. It is time to be an adult. To live like an adult. My heart is still a child. And fear lurks in the childhood halls--like a Balrog. But I am the gate keeper here and the fear "shall not pass."
I am full time faculty again. Temporary. Sigh. But so appreciated. My office in the bowels of the new Science building. The hallways still smell of the glue that affixes each blue carpet square in this azure carpet road. The walls are grey. My office is stark, clinical--until I start putting up the art of my friends. The movie posters, the memes. It is becoming my world. But feels temporary. "Nine months," the walls whisper.
The new house is lovely. It is high on the east bench. Our mountain fortress. Far above the petty mortal concerns of the valley. Suddenly my adult life stretches before me without a cap--and that is where fear lurks also. Fear of alone. Yet, it is a fear I fight. I will conquer, or at least keep it permanently at bay. I know how to do this, no matter how inexperienced I feel. I write to know and to process. I write for me.
