Tortured Subconscious

All right, we seem to be having a slew of weird dreams lately. It must be an epidemic becuase last night, or early this morning I had a doozey.

I dreamed that I had to take the GRE. I think that is becuase I am helping my friend James prepare for the GRE, but that is all I can figure out. A group of us were in a beautiful but very modern tech design building. Each floor was like a cliff that you had to reach by jumping from one floating, high polished wooden platform to the other. Then if you could make it to the foyer of each floor you had to talk to a very haughty administrative assistant (becuase they were very clear that they weren't secretaries).

When we made it passed that obstacle we were led into a room that looked very much like a kindergarten classroom. There were tiny desks and one large desk with an old apple computer on it and a small case. We were told to sit down and wait for the proctor. The proctor was a dementor--yes I know--and as it passed out the vocabulary and writing portion I felt the ice begin at my toes and move upward. I knew I was doomed. But then I remembered that I had already been to grad school and that I was an English teacher--it was better than chocolate becuase I whisked through each section faster than anyone else and I knew that I had not missed a single question. I was so happy and thought about bursting into song, but I knew that would add to the anxiety of the other test takers.

Suddenly the proctor/dementor was at my side gesturing me to the big desk with the apple computer and the case. I hurriedly moved becuase I didn't want the dementor to suck away all of my new found happiness. As I sat at the desk I intuitively understood that I had to choose a tool to take the next portion of the GRE. Would it be the old Apple computer or would it be the case? As I looked closer at that case I realized it was the newest, sleekest, most high tech laptop I have ever seen. Wow I thought, that is great. And suddenly it hit me--I had yet to take the math section of the test. Doom again set in. My head dropped to the desk with a bang and the tremors must have activated the zippy little laptop becuase it popped open and greated me by name. "Hello Alisha, I can help you pass the math section. I have applications that will suit your learning style greatly." The voice was soft and musical and I immediately trusted it. I chose the laptop and the test began.

All I had to do was to log into the test website and then they could track my score for the math section of the test. The directions were clear--put in your username and your password. Did I have a username and password? The laptop chimed that I should have received them on the test packet that I must have left at home. I recalled that when we began our meteoric climb on the highly polished wooden platforms we were asked to leave all materials behind. In my mind's eye I could see myself putting a sheaf of papers down. On the top page were my username and password. Oh if only I could remember them. Suddenly the laptop chiruped--"I have your username and password. I recalled them from the security cameras trained on the applicants at the beginning of the testing trials." What a wonderful thing it was to have a friendly computer on my side.

By this time another test taker had finally finished the written portion and had come to sit beside me. This person had no choice but to use the old Apple computer. He flipped the on switch and the table shook as the computer warmed up. I looked at him in sympathy, but he just smiled and waited for the computer to be ready. I went back to the work of putting in my username and password. But everytime I used the touchpad to train my cursor on the appropriate screen boxes those boxes would disappear and kick me off the internet. I had tried at least ten times to type in my username and password when I noticed that the person next to me had already finished the entire math portion. As he stood to leave I whispered " It must be nice to be a math whiz."
"I am not a math whiz, I took a lot of practice tests from the book and this was much easier than that."
I hadn't taken the practice tests. I didn't know there were practice tests. I couldn't even log in. I miserably continued to try to log on. But the futility was overwhelming. One by one all of the students finished the math section using the old Apple computer, while I had to deal with a whacky cursor and an increasingly insulting laptop. "You are obviously not smart enough to to even use a simple computer." or " Are you sure you are here to take the GRE? I am surprised you graduated from high school." Oh it was awful. I became increasingly flustered and soon began to cry.

The dementor/proctor glided over to me at this point and thought at me " You have failed the test. Appearances can be deceiving, you chose poorly" and suddenly he was the knight from Indianna Jones and I was holding a jeweled goblet in my hand and I was beginning to shrivel and die. . . and then I woke up with tears still on my cheeks.

Analyze that one.