Literary Ponderings

Today I have been in a "nostalgic" mood. One of my students aptly named me nostalgic in one of our discussions about books and technology. I walked through Barnes & Noble this morning, and I couldn't help but thinking of my life.

As I lovingly touched the spines of my favorite books in new editions and found new books by favorite authors, I thought of my love of books and how it has shaped me as a writer. While humming along to the ever playing soundtrack of "Mama Mia" and spending way to much money on books that are worth it, I began to think back about my past as a reader and writer.

When I was eleven I got really sick. I was unable to attend school, and for some time I was unable to leave my bed. I had horrible insomnia even though I was so tired--that is actually the perfect definition of insomnia. I was separated from friends by the very fact that I wasn't around. My family was AMAZING and tried to supplement my lack of human contact as much as they could. But after everyone went to bed I faced hours of silence and alone time. This lasted for about three years. In that time I consumed books at an alarming rate. I read things that most eleven year olds had never heard of: Moby Dick, Little Women, A Room with a View, Meditation's of Marcus Aurelius, Cold Sassy Tree, Little Men, Jo's Boys, Walden, the Journals of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Les Miserables, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, To Kill a Mockingbird, Dandelion Wine, Anne of Green Gables, Ivan Hoe, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Three Musketeers, Around the World in 80 Days, Journey to the Center of the Earth, the poems of TS Eliot, Walt Whitman. I read all of my parents' old college text books--my mother's Victorian and Elizabethan poets were an especial treat. I read Hamlet for the first time and what my brother was reading two years ahead of me.

I began to write myself into movie plots and book plots, peopling the night with friends and teachers. I also watched a lot of movies, documentaries, TV shows, and read magazines and academic journals. I don't really remember anything else but the books and knowledge I received from that time. At one point my optic nerve was affected and I couldn't read. It was like literally going blind, though I could see, I couldn't read so I felt like I couldn't see. I began listening to books on tape and that was a whole new ball game. I listened to everything--with good taste of course. I became the family librarian. I would send my mother to the library with a long list of books for me and then I would distribute to the family.

By the time I got better and made it to high school I was a rather peculiar child as you might guess. I had begun writing in journals and writing stories and though health had kind of returned, I still kept up my habit of binging on books. Health has been a wary visitor for me, and I often have to keep in touch with reality through my books. I realize I didn't have a normal childhood and I don't expect anyone else to go out and lose themselves in a library. But I think about all that I know, somethings I wish I didn't know, and all of the knowledge I have amassed and realize that I am who I am the sum of all of my experiences. Even though many of them were incredibly painful or scary I realize I could never be who I am with out them. For me reading and writing were my only contact with the world--even the Science Fiction seemed more real than my life at that time. And so I affirm that though the path is long and winding, and less traveled by--"it has made all the difference."